Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
