Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
