Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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