You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
