but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
