If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
