I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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