and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
