He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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