i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
