96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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