i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
