I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
