Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
