Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
