I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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