All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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