Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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