So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
