There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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