im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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