this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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