I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
