OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
