i may or may not be watching the land before time
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
