wat bout pragnant strippers??
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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