That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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