just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
