You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
