Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
