Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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