You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
