You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
