I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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