Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
