im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
