I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You left your phone here
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