Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do vagina's smell?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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