we have pet lesbian snakes
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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