You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I touched a dick in church today
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
