Having a random hookup so left but love u
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
