dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
