Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.