Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call

(720): View more from Colorado

Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days

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(505): You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call (720): Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days http://tfl.nu/6f8h

Replies (4) Good night (1145) Bad night (702)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine

(303): View more from Colorado

Oh and I threw up on myself...

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(303): Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine (303): Oh and I threw up on myself... http://tfl.nu/hxn5

Replies (41) Good night (1823) Bad night (7386)
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(+07): View more from

tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?

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(+07): tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance? http://tfl.nu/7v50

Replies (34) Good night (5410) Bad night (1085)
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(706): View more from Georgia

Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.

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(706): Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge. http://tfl.nu/gb8a

Replies (29) Good night (4461) Bad night (1082)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.

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(860): its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party. http://tfl.nu/bik1

Replies (5) Good night (2421) Bad night (864)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.

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(717): He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it. http://tfl.nu/0zar

Replies (11) Good night (2846) Bad night (1244)
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(713): View more from Texas

onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.

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(713): onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper. http://tfl.nu/3zpi

Replies (10) Good night (1553) Bad night (726)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.

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(218): Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/7bi7

Replies (6) Good night (526) Bad night (1736)
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(303): View more from Colorado

It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times

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(303): It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times http://tfl.nu/7i49

Replies (5) Good night (1867) Bad night (592)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.

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(732): Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train. http://tfl.nu/hytn

Replies (4) Good night (990) Bad night (524)
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(347): View more from New York

The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?

(973): View more from New Jersey

That does not seem like timing

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(347): The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is? (973): That does not seem like timing http://tfl.nu/n0dp

Replies (3) Good night (602) Bad night (677)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus

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(412): Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus http://tfl.nu/j3t9

Replies (3) Good night (646) Bad night (342)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Sex is always the answer.

(630): View more from Illinois

Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?

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(630): Sex is always the answer. (630): Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year? http://tfl.nu/kqhl

Replies (1) Good night (675) Bad night (432)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?

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(615): Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation? http://tfl.nu/r601

Replies (2) Good night (346) Bad night (513)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"

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(405): And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong" http://tfl.nu/lbtt

Replies (0) Good night (255) Bad night (175)

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