She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
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Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.