Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.