I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.