i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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