He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.