I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
