A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
