Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
