why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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