I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
