the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
