and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
