Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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