so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
