Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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