No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
dude. I can hear the air.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
