Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
