I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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