I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
