the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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