I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need to align my fucking chakras
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
