He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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