Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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