Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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