i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
