oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
