ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
