My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
people are starting to question the shark bite story
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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