im drinking this country out of the recession.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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