Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
