Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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