oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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