meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
