you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
