Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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