we're chasing vodka with high fives
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
