She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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