My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
