Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
